Mother- a picture of ultimate perseverance and patience. An epitome of tenderness, care and sacrifice. The true essence of unconditional and infinite love. The term mother is associated with all the pleasant things we can think of. But put two words after it like “in law” and everything turns upside down. All the pleasant things you can think about are now a picture of a dark and gory nightmare. Mother in laws – why do they have to exist? Even the “Great Book” the Bible agrees, it specifically and firmly advices newly wed couples to leave their respective family and live a separate life.

See? Even the “omnipresent and all-knowing God” knows that mother in laws are as toxic as cyanide. Anyhow, no matter how we wish they will just wilt and turn into natural fertilizer, it’s not going to happen. They will always be there to meddle and to make you feel stupid and insignificant. They keep the balance in life like what the eastern culture believes- the yin and yang- the balance of good and the bad. Obviously, they make you appreciate the good things in life because of the “unlikable” occurrences they impart. So, since this is not Neverland and mother in laws are ever present, the best thing to do is just to deal with them accordingly.

They tend to be over controlling. They don’t realize how important it is for a new couple to become a unit. The degree of control intensifies when there’s a new baby. Mother in laws usually begin with a complain- “What have you been feeding my grandson? He is a toothpick!” It doesn’t matter even if your baby’s pediatrician says your baby is as healthy as a pony. After they complain, they basically lay down their own plan for your baby. The best way to deal with this is confrontation with a positive approach. Yes, we abhor them but picking a fight with them can create unnecessary stress.

Going back to the positive approach, before you drop the bomb, be sure the timing is not off. Be sure the great mother in law is not stressed out. Be sure she has taken her medicines or has eaten her afternoon snack. If you have the timing figured out, create the atmosphere. A conducive surrounding, where there is too much noise and clutter will distract her. Also, make sure the baby is asleep to have uninterrupted heart- to- heart conversation. You can start your introduction with a compliment but don’t over do it to avoid sounding like a “kiss-ass.” You can continue with the sympathetic approach- “I know you always mean well, Endora and we appreciate what you are doing is for the best…” then carry on with what you truly feel.

“But what you’re doing makes us feel incompetent and that you don’t trust us, we need to do things our way, Endora, this is important to us….” you go on with a compromise… “You are important to us and we promise we will update you with all the things going on with your grandson, you are always a part of this family…” Then end the conversation with a hug. If you’re lucky she will get your point and stop hovering but whatever the case is- always chose the diplomatic method. The least you want in life is having your mother in law as your mortal enemy.

Yes, we don’t like mother in laws but this is one thing we don’t tell in their face. You know what people say- you can chose your friends but not your relatives… and unfortunately you married her son so whether you like it or not, mother in laws are here to stay.